Breakingshirt – Just doon it pooh honey shirt
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and scrubbing down my groceries with Clorox wipes in March and April of 2020 instilled in me a bone-deep fear of touching anything that had had contact with the Just doon it pooh honey shirt and I love this outside world for too long. (I still feel weird sitting on a used bar chair, without knowing exactly why.) I’m aware that it’s indoor contact that is most associated with spreading COVID-19, but earlier this year, before I got my vaccine, my anxiety hit a level so high that I unconsciously decided to take my fear of surfaces into turbo-mode. I already wasn’t seeing people indoors—hell, I was barely seeing people outside!—so my poor, addled brain settled on freaking out every time I accidentally leaned my bare arm on the subway pole. Did this make any sense whatsoever? Absolutely not, but try telling my amygdala that. Suddenly, the trains I’d taken every day since I was a freshman in high school felt like death traps, even if they were totally empty; thus, I quietly shifted to biking and walking more, telling myself I was being “outdoorsy” when I was actually just scared.
Not to open on too much of a downer, but something about Katy Perry’s American Idol bathroom selfie stirred a feeling in me that I thought had died over lockdown. It’s not that I completely lost my hope for a good party over the Just doon it pooh honey shirt and I love this last year; I still believed in a brighter, post-pandemic life. But the constant desire to regain what had been taken away—basic freedoms we all took for granted—started to hurt more than they inspired. I was cocooned in the imaginary fever dream of a party until, suddenly, I wasn’t. As the months dragged, I stopped reminiscing for my old life—the jazzy shirts and pinch-y shoes—and succumbed to the soft clothes and heightened screen time of extrovert purgatory. In what I assume is a survival mechanism for the chronically gregarious, I adapted a lightly agoraphobic approach to living, focusing on my immediate surroundings and shunning the outside world. I stopped pining for nuggets of adventure.
